Me, hubby and MFIL VS me time *UPDATED*

Could u guess what I wanna talk about from the title?

-at this rate, I galau mau pake bahasa indo or inggris, maap ya kalau bakalan campur sari- 

Sebelum ak cerita lbh lanjut, perlu digaris bawahi bahwa ceritaku ini hanya sharing untuk berbagi bukan dengan maksud menakut2in ya khususnya yang akan tinggal dengan mertua.

Keep ur positive mind to continue reading it. If not ready yet, close it for now. hehehe

So, it's been a month already since I got married and in to the new pace of my life, as a wife and.....a daughter in law. You can read here to refresh or get some enlightment about or after marriage home. =]


How do I feel?

Confuse! No.1 on my list is confuse.

Boleh dibilang ak tu cukup "bahagia" dulu sebelum merit selalu ada yang ngurusin kecuali saat nyokap ga ada n ART jg ga ada. Tapi most of the time, sepulang kerja, ak cm akan nonton TV sampe saatnya tidur. *parah lo..*

Sekarang beda judulnya. Bener-bener me time ak cm saat di tempat kerja. Trz ak suka bingung mau ngapain kalau dirmh. Saat menjelang dinner itu saat paling bikin ak lumayan stress sih karena mau bantuin tapi ga tau gimana. Jadi wara wiri ga jelas. Uda mana paling bingung basa basi pula. Rasanya masih sungkan.
Abiz makan baru ak tau harus ngapain. Bersihin utensils. Ada dua dapur di sini. Dapur kotor dan dapr bersih, biasanya ak dan Mr. A tu ganti2an deh mau berada dimana.

Next feeling itu, overwhelmed n underpressured.

Kenapa?
Karena berasa dapat tekanan untuk bisa membantu dan harus membantu plus.
Pulang kerja bisa sampai rumah sih jam 4. 30 p.m. the earliest. Trz bingung jg ngapain. Jadi di kamar paling yoga, bersihin WC, rebahan, or blogging..Tapi after 6 p.m. onwards, lupakan lah yang namanya ME TIME.  Kalau pegang gadget kelamaan, Mr. A bisa protes. Padahal chats paling seru kan jam2 segitu. wkwkwkwk.
Uda pernah curhat sih ke Mr. A soal ini sblmnya dan akhirnya he said sorry.

How do MIL feel?

Upset and dissapointed!
Yes, she was.
Jadi, last Saturday I went out with my friends. Pulang sampe rumah, disambutlah Mr. A dengan tampang tegang gt. I still had no idea what is going on until he said it out.
My MIL told him that I didn't help out her a lot, I spent too much time in the room, I even didn't do the laundry and let Mr. A did it (on Saturday when I went out with my friends, Mr. A inisiatively did the laundry by himself). >.<
She sheded her tears also. She felt tired also since my MIL works also with her own bussiness, but she still has to manage the households.

Mr. A tried to explain since he knows how I felt already. But...it just still wrong.

How did I react?

Shocked and cried. hohoho

Well, shocked uda pastilah ya. Siapa jg mau ada conflict apalagi made parents sedih. Abiz shock terbitlah air mata. The easiest way ya nangis dulu. Dalam proses nangis itu, isi otak uda merajalela kemana.. Sedih dan merasa ga adil juga sih. Mr. A bilang " Kamu harus kepoin." " Kan ak uda bilang."
Questions in my mind :
Why I have to do this and that while she doesn't expect that from her daughter and son?
Why Mr. A didn't say this and that?
Why Mr. A can't forseen this before coz I had?
What kind of kepo should I do?
What to do??
How to do this????
and etc etc etc...

Mr. A? tambah bingung. wkwkwk.

Tapii.. abz nangis, ak duduk and bilang ke Mr. A "Coba ulangi lagi, biar ak tau harus gimana?"
Mr. A senyum and nanya kenapa gitu? trz ak nangis lagi n mencurahkan semua pertanyaan2 yang di otak tadi.

Mr. A akhirnya bilang, " Mau tinggal keluar aja?"

Ak diem dan langsung mikir "Bukan itu jawabannya"

What I need is the clue how to deal with my MIL.. bukan dengan cara walked out.  So, I refused it.

Tapi ak bilang, I will try to figure it out deh.

Selesai nangis, uda mau jam 6. Artinyaaa... uda harus keluar ke dapur kan? Panic mode on. Mata n idung msh merah n bengkak. Tapi ya cuek ajalah, keluar deh ke depan.

Once I met my MIL...dy langsung bilang. " Shal, kamu jangan sungkan2. Kamu kan sudah menikah dengan Mr. A, kamu berarti uda anakku. Kamukan bukan tamu lagi. "

Me: *meweklagiiiiiii* manggut2 n berusaha senyum2 gelo

She even said that she loves me like her own daughter. She said I have to learn for this households, that one day it will be up to me. They will not be there forever. She said that it has been the way she works for the whole life time, I have to understand her speed.

My FIL joined our conversation by adding " Masih baru, masih bingung." and he smiled. *hugs*
But my MIL said " Kalau bingung ya tanya."

Then, I shared what I felt also. How I confused, I shared what I did and days when I have yoga class n will come home late.

My FIL added up that as parents, they might be just will be around for 5-10 years ahead.

Means, we, as child, will not be always count on them.

After that few minutes, everything is okay already. =P

I am relieve.......and once again grateful.

That night, Mr. A hugged me and said " Don't be upset ya with my mom."
I answered him, " I didn't at all.."


In conclusion?
Yup,
Ak sama sekali tidak merasa kesel or marah koq. I just confused and overwhelmed n sempet sedih dan ga adil. Tapi...my common sense wins. Ak sadar kalau ak ga cukup berusaha dalam waktu beberapa minggu ini. Ak memilih untuk "ah biarin aja".

Tapi ak lupa kalau ak udah pernah berjanji untuk sayang my MIL and FIL as much as I love Mr. A and my parents.

Ak padahal yang selalu reminds people around me kalau waktu ortu kita ga akan selamanya dengan kita, jadi kita harus banyak2 membalas budi mereka. Karena berbakti adalah hal utama yang harus kita lakukan.

Ak jg ga mau Mr. A harus memilih. He must not have to choose. Walau orang2 bilang kalau sudah menikah harus prioritasin istri dan keluarga sendiri, tapi ak ga mau kalau yg harus mengecewakan ortu. Karena doa ortu adalah rezeki kita juga. I dun want my children do that to me either one day in the future.

Yang paling utama adalah kalau my MIL fair enough untuk langsung bilang ke ak di dpn ku. It means she wants me to be better instead of talking behind me with others yang at the end malah ditambah dengan "bumbu2 dan hasutan2" orang lain.

I really appreciate it. I am more than grateful...once again.


Every parent always wants the best for us.

The question is.. can you see that?

Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.

Hubert H. Humphrey

October 2007-2012.....and will still going on.....

I have a happy and great relationship with my boyfriend, let’s say Mr. A, and that I cherish every moment I am being with him. Recently, I think about the whole moment since I met him. I wanna write it here because I want to remember it forever since I dun really believe in my own mind ^^

April 2007-May 2007

Some time around April to May on 2007 was my first meeting with Mr. A. It’s just a coincidence situation. I was from collecting some clothes for charity with one of my best friend, Angel and we ended up at Nasi Gandul, Pesanggrahan to have our dinner. Not so long after we arrived, Angel’s friends joined us. They were Mr. AG (Angel current boyfriend) and the other was Mr. A.  Mr. AG and Mr. A has known each other quite well. At that time, Mr. AG and Angel were on progress to know each other, I guess ^^. Mr. AG and Mr. A didn’t get much attention from me at first. I was thinking that his jokes were so corny and both of them too much playful and can’t be serious in having a conversation. However, my friend looked enjoyed it so much the moment. I didn’t take much attention with Mr. A after that.

June-August 2007

I mentioned about colleting some clothes for charity before, right? That was the idea to celebrate Angel’s birthday. She celebrates it on June. Several days before her birthday, we were still collecting the apparels.  On June, I think Angel and Mr. AG has started their new relationship. The last person that we need to collect the clothes was from Mr. A. He said he had some to give. So, we went to his house together with Mr. A. Still,  I had the same impression about him. Too playful. ^^

Around those months, I was busy and a little bit stressful because I was on my last semester and I have to finish my paper. I still didn’t have any attention to Mr. A until I had a weird dream bout him. I didn’t understand why I can dream about him and it bothered me a lot. Then, one time I shared about my dream to Angel, Mr. AG and one of his friends when we were played together. After that dream story, Mr. A and Angel some how became like a love match maker. They didn’t really try to match us because according to them, Mr. A is a complicated person and somehow we won’t fit to each other.

I didn’t really remember how I can have a quite intense communication with Mr. A. I just remembered I did start the first communication not on purpose. I didn’t remember how I can have his number on my phone, but I remembered that I texted most of friends in my phone book when I finished my paper coz I felt so glad and I wanna say it out loud. But the more I communicate with him the more I know him that he’s not like what Mr. A and Angel thought. He is different.

September-October 2007

For some time, we hang out together, four of us. But we started to hang out together just the two of us when  suddenly I wanna went to Planetarium. I told him bout that and he offered himself to go with me. ^^ After that, he kinda made up so many reasons to ask me out.

There were so many funny stories before his confession to me. Angel and Mr. A had told me about that. They even gambled to it. They said he tried to confess twice before but failed. I am the first for him so he’s quite nervous ^^ October on Idul Fitri day that year, he finally confessed to me. I was about gone to Puncak for holiday with my family. He came to my house early in the morning to bring my chitato that left in his car (not so important) and asked me to accompany him to have a breakfast (he doesn’t really like to have breakfast). After breakfast, he sent me home and the confession was like this (sort of):

Mr. A    : “ I like you”

Me         : ……..smiling at his back (he’s using motorcycle) “So?”

Mr. A    : “Ya…So I want you to be my girl friend!” (he's not even asking)

Me         : silence….and my heart was pounding hard and filled with happiness..^^ ( I didn’t answer him till I arrived in front of my home)

After that I gave him two numbers as my answer and asked him to reveal it. Then, he went home and I went to Puncak. Before the night over, we officially dating ^^

Since our first met, I have known that he’s going to study language in China on February. I was a bit doubt to continue our relationship before it’s too late. I never want to have a long distance relationship before. I was also always afraid that I might be hard to believe in him when he’s away. But, during those months when I have been close enough with him, I know that I can trust him and I know I can do the LDR. So, I even accompanied him to prepare what he needs to go to China. We had 4 months together before he flied to China for a year.

February 2008- January 2009

I had an uneasy feeling before he went away. I tried to hide it, sometimes it never successes. I was thinking that I have to support him, for his own future that he had prepared it far before we met. I knew that he also felt not easy to go but that’s what he wanted. However, we managed it quit well and smooth. We tried so hard to do video call via Skype almost every night. Sometimes I was so sleepy but I tried to stay awake to see him. At our down moment, we tried to cheer each other. I still remember that he ever texted me and told me that just by thinking and knowing that I was here and waiting for him had made him felt better. I did feel lonely most of the time, when I need him around, however, one year had passed……..

January 2009

He’s back!! But we couldn’t meet each other soon enough coz he got sick because of the different weather. So, I had to wait almost a week before he came to my house. The same day he came, the same time he told me that he might go to China again to continue his study. *jegeeeeerrrrrr* I did want to say please NO!!!…but who am I?? I’m just his girlfriend. I knew that that’s for his future. So, again..I supported him.. It was so hard, thinking that I have to let him go again. However, we had 6 months to be together before he went again.

September 2009- August 2010

When saying goodbye in the airport, I was quit stronger than a year before. During this time of LDR, we didn’t video called each other almost every night. We also had our fight this time. I even called him to clear the problems. But again, with all the happy and sad moment for us in having this long distance relationship, a year had passed. He tried to give me a surprise this time. He told me that he’s going to Harbin so I can’t reach him for several days. But on 17 August 2010, he showed up when I wanna watched movie in Puri Mall. My friends helped him for this surprise. ^^ 

October 2010 – now……

I’m glad that he’s here now. I can meet him more often than before. That at least I can have my date on weekend……..I thougt.. *sigh*

After 6 months in Jakarta, he got a job offer that he has to be 6 weeks out of Jakarta (in the remote area that no phone operators exist there) and 2 weeks off in Jakarta. So, again…..another long distance. This kind of relationship even harder because really restrict our communication. We had some fights during a year and a half he has been working there.

We have been together for 4 years 9 months more now. It’s like that we had more separation than when we are together. Those fights that I had with him make me understand him more. I hope that we can grow stronger. That we can end up in another stage of our relationship when the time is right.

He might not a romantic man, he’s stubborn, he’s an emotional inside, he acts cool to his surrounding, he’s not perfect.. So do I and I love the way he loves me.

Plus que hier, moins que demain

 More than yesterday, less than tomorrow