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Sunday, March 18, 2012

Fate? No.

I went to vihara today. It's a thing that I rarely do recently. I want start to make a habit again to do it. I did it few years ago. There's a very big different things that happened to me when I make a habit to go to vihara every week. Today's topic gave me something to thing the whole day. 

Many people misunderstand about Buddhist. They tend to make wrong perception about it. Actually, Buddhist is simple. Plant good deeds and you'll get good things in your life. I am not good at explaining about it but I find all my answers in dhamma. In my good times and especially my bad times, I always remember about dhamma. I still can stand it no matter how down I am because I have the understanding of my kamma. I am trying not to take a shortcut. Kamma is not  fate. In my opinion, when someone say fate, it's the other word for laziness or desperation in life. For me, I say it's fate because it's my kamma to deal with. My struggles are how I reacted. It's not easy. 

Buddha teaches about kamma (karma). It is something that we can't avoid in this our life -past, now or future. We can't escape from it no matter you go. It's only about time. What happen to us today is because of what we did in our past life. What I do today, the reaction that I give to the kamma I have today will create a new kamma for my next life or might be this life. At this point, I'm thinking of all my suffering, happiness and small things that happened to me. >.< 

Then, what is kamma? According to Romo Sudar, Kamma is a will or desire that comes from inside. If we are willing to do bad things, it creates the potential to become a bad kamma. 

The question is "Where's kamma been kept?"

Well, penjelasannya seperti ini (dalam Bahasa Indonesia deh) ^^  Ibarat sebuah pohon mangga menghasilkan buah mangga. Tapi di manakah buah itu disimpan? Apakah di batang, akar, daun? Kenyataannya buahnya tidak disimpan di mana-mana. Tapi pohon tersebut akan berbuah bila kondisi lingkungannya mendukung, potensinya terpenuhi maka pohon tersebut akan berbuah. Sama halnya seperti karma. Karma yang kita lakukan hari ini menciptakan potensi karma kita yang akan datang tergantung baik atau buruknya.

Buddhist is all about NOW. What had happened left those behind. What will happen is based on what we do TODAY. Our thoughts, our words, our acts will make a difference. We can't be sure about future, but future (for sure) is in our hand. 

If you are saying that life is a fate, then is it possible you'll get something when you just sit down and wait? The answer will be NO. So, don't wait because life is so short. Start with analyzing your life, start to think differently, start to collect as much as good deeds you can make. 

Salah satu ajaran Budha paling utama adalah  "Jangan berbuat jahat, perbanyak berbuat baik, sucikan hati dan pikiran."

Friday, March 16, 2012

Hope is above, dread is below...

I've been thinking to write here so many times before but I've been so busy for so long time. So, here I am sitting on my favorite sofa in front of my laptop and start to clean up my mind. I have so many things in my head. So many means A LOT!! These past few months there were so many things that had happened in my life. Stressful, yes. Very.. n I have to face it by myself. The result of those things that I barely feel nothing in my heart now. Seriously! I smile, I laugh, n normally start my days everyday but none of those touch inside me.. Just feel ......EMPTY.

There were 2 things that happened this week. In the early of this week, I have to start a discussion that made me more gloomy than before. At the middle of the week, I heard a sad nearly upsetting news. Almost the whole week I had bad dreams every night. And last night a dream came. I dreamed about my work place, people around me and activities that I usually do. Then I realized that I had a broken glasses. I felt so uneasy when I woke up in the morning. The next thing I knew that I googled it :) Then, I found one this blog. It said that a broken glasses could means that I made a wrong perception on something. After I read it, I was thinking (despite it's true or not) it looks just right to me. That maybe I did a wrong judgement or perception in the problems I face off now. I'm thinking about all the burden that I have for a whole day but still I don't know what is the wrong judgement is/ are.. My anger, my impatient, my disappointment, my sadness, my desperation (maybe) too much overruled me so that it really agitate me. My fear distract me also so I try so hard to repress n forget it. That's why I feel empty inside but I know that all those feelings are still there n just awaits to be awaken anytime..

My number one enemy is me, myself and I.I've tried so hard to change myself these past few years to be a better person. But, it's not enough.And I'm still trying now. I want to feel FULL again..............one day.

" Hope is above, dread is below, I guess life is in between."- Allison Dubois in serial Medium 3