Hope is above, dread is below...

I've been thinking to write here so many times before but I've been so busy for so long time. So, here I am sitting on my favorite sofa in front of my laptop and start to clean up my mind. I have so many things in my head. So many means A LOT!! These past few months there were so many things that had happened in my life. Stressful, yes. Very.. n I have to face it by myself. The result of those things that I barely feel nothing in my heart now. Seriously! I smile, I laugh, n normally start my days everyday but none of those touch inside me.. Just feel ......EMPTY.

There were 2 things that happened this week. In the early of this week, I have to start a discussion that made me more gloomy than before. At the middle of the week, I heard a sad nearly upsetting news. Almost the whole week I had bad dreams every night. And last night a dream came. I dreamed about my work place, people around me and activities that I usually do. Then I realized that I had a broken glasses. I felt so uneasy when I woke up in the morning. The next thing I knew that I googled it :) Then, I found one this blog. It said that a broken glasses could means that I made a wrong perception on something. After I read it, I was thinking (despite it's true or not) it looks just right to me. That maybe I did a wrong judgement or perception in the problems I face off now. I'm thinking about all the burden that I have for a whole day but still I don't know what is the wrong judgement is/ are.. My anger, my impatient, my disappointment, my sadness, my desperation (maybe) too much overruled me so that it really agitate me. My fear distract me also so I try so hard to repress n forget it. That's why I feel empty inside but I know that all those feelings are still there n just awaits to be awaken anytime..

My number one enemy is me, myself and I.I've tried so hard to change myself these past few years to be a better person. But, it's not enough.And I'm still trying now. I want to feel FULL again..............one day.

" Hope is above, dread is below, I guess life is in between."- Allison Dubois in serial Medium 3