Rumah dan baby(?)

Waktu mulai urus soal merit, pertanyaan yang lumayan sering ditanya adalah "tar lo tinggal dimana?"

Di post sebelumnya uda pernah mentioned sih. Jawabannya "Rumah Mr. A" aka.with mertua.

And...mostly setelah temen-temen pd tau, langsung d dimulai kalimat2 warning and nakut2innya.

So, what do I feel? ~biasa aja sih sekarang~

Well, jauh sebelum Mr. A ngajak merit, disaat2 kita ngebahas ttg future sih soal tmpt tinggal abiz merit adalah yang pertama kita sepakatin. Awalnya ak sempet bilang ya tinggal bareng ortunya juga it's okay karena takut ga ada yang jagain karena cici nya juga tinggal di Bali dan rumahnya cukup besar untuk cuma tinggal berdua nantinya. Tapi gak lama ak sempet propose idea untuk cr rumah sendiri karena dua alasan dibawah ini:

1. Mnrtku Mr. A itu cuek dan tidak peduli dengan segala hal yang berhubungan dengan biaya2 household aka.depending on his parents only. I know why actually, so I wanna him to be more responsible. Sebagai ank sulung di rmh, ak sudah terbiasa diberikan banyak tanggung jawab bahkan juga ikut menanggung biaya rumah bbrp tahun belakangan ini. While, Mr. A adalah anak bungsu yang hampir seperti anak tunggal hampir separuh hidupnya. Jadi ya, wajar lah kalau dy serba tidak peduli. N I worried about it before. 

2. Supaya kita berdua bisa adapt kehidupan suami istri dulu berdua, supaya bisa lbh solid dulu dan tanpa ada intefere orang ketiga aka family. After a year or two ya br move in balik krmh mamanya. 

Awalnya, Mr. A sempet considered about this until one day his mom got very sick and then he changed his mind. Mr. A jadi worry kalau kedua ortunya sakit siapa yang akan tahu or jagain. Tapi, dia sempat khawatir juga will I get along well with his mom. Tapi ak berusaha menenangkan dy bahwa hal itu tidak perlu dikhawatirkan sekarang juga and I will try my best to be a good daughter in law. So, waktu Mr. A ditanya akan tinggal dimana nantinya sama mamanya, dy sudah bertanya bolehkah stay dirmhnya sekarang. His mom agreed. As for me, ya klo takut or khawatir sih mungkin ada tapi gimanapun orangtua itu adalah orang yang harus kita jaga, no matter itu mertua ataupun orangtua sendiri. Me myself mikirnya ga mau tinggal terlalu jauh dari rumah nyokap n karena masih ada lil bro yang stay dirumah ma bonyok, rasanya agak tenang. Dan yang penting harus bisa bawa diri. Pekerjaan ak yang sebagai guru membawakan pencerahan dalam pola pikirku beberapa tahun belakangan ini. I can relate the way my parents think or thought now. Jadi guru tu mirip2 lah jadi orangtua sementara buat anak-anak. Tujuannya adalah demi kebaikan mereka. Bedanya hanya dikata  teknik dan cara pada saat "dulu' dan "sekarang".  Keep positive and pray supaya berjodoh karma yang baik ^^

Next, after married biasanya yang akan sering ditanya uda pasti "uda hamil??"

Untuk soal anak, Mr. A sih bilangnya "Terserah kamu." Rencananya sih ga mau langsung isi dalam waktu dekat karena mau adapt dulu dgn pace hidup di rumah mertua n jadi istri orang dl *grin* Kira-kira beberapa bulan uda okay baru mau program untuk hamil. Lagipula selama ini kalau ngomongin soal jumlah anak, Mr. A selalu bilang "coba dulu d anak 1 gmn". Kalau ak sih agak maruk, maunya 3 anak. Syukur2 bisa kembar 2. hahahha..tujuannya biar cepet beres ga usah lagi hamil2. 

Dua tahun ini acara favoritku adalah "The Return of Superman" di KBS World. Acara itu mengenai anak yang ditinggal dengan papanya saja for 3 days 2 nights. Acara itu bagus juga untuk parenting, so karena ak suka nonton, Mr. A pun jadi suka nonton. Dia jadi sedikit lebih positif sih kalau mikirin soal anak. Baguslah bisa belajar2 dulu ^^ 

I love Daehan!

Tapi gimanapun manusia hanya bisa berencana kan? Ya kalau kita dipercaya jadi parents, ya berapapun kita terima. Pertanyaannya adalah "SIAP atau TIDAK?"  

Ini juga pertanyaanku selama ini ke diri sendiri dan melihat sikap Mr. A. I can say we might not that ready, uda mulai merasa siap tapi sebisa mungkin harus lebih siap lagi mentally. Buat kita jadi parents itu ud kontrak seumur hidup dah. Seperti halnya soal post yang ini, soal anak juga jadi pertimbangan banget karena belajar dari teman2ku. Dengan kesulitan ekonomi sekarang, ya sebaiknya sebelum hamil benar2 harus planning jangka panjang. Planning untuk keuangan, tabungan, dll. Jangan sampai harus ninggalin anak diurus kakek neneknya karena si mama dan papanya harus bekerja. Sebagai seorang guru, ak juga sering melihat anak-anak korban ortu yang sibuk bekerja or ortu yang mikir anak itu hanya sebuah "paket" dalam sebuah pernikahan. Kalau memang tidak siap jangan memaksakan diri. 

Ada juga temanku yang memaksakan hamil karena.....tidak bisa menikmati hubungan seksual dengan suaminya >.<  Jujur saja sih, masalah ranjang gimanapun pastinya adalah satu paket bagi suami istri. Banyak teman-temanku yang menasihati untuk hal ini. Komunikasikan dengan baik. Jangan mikir karena hamil, jadi bisa ada alasan. It's just so ridiculous reason to get pregnant, right? 

“Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it.” 

Dr. Haim Ginott

Yey! Punya vendor dekor juga akhirnya *grin*

Setelah mengalami kesibukan melelahkan beberapa minggu di sekolah menjelang ujian akhir, akhirnya tiba juga hari ini! Anak-anak sudah ujian, artinya ak cm perlu koreksi, isi rapot kemudian libur term deh seminggu. 2 weeks to go! ^^ 

Jadi hari ini bisa sedikit update blog lg and kepoin blog-blog lain jg. hehehe. 

Oke, seperti judul postnya, jadi ak mau bicarain soal dekor. Puas banget dah uda dapat yang oke kali ini. Mentally satisfied! Buat yang ga tau or baru baca post ini, fyi aja ini adalah vendor dekor ketiga ak  >.<  Vendor-vendor awal ada kubahas di post2 sebelumnya sih. Tapi pertanyaannya adalah kenapa sampe sebanyak itu gantinya???*sigh* 

Bukan bermaksud ngerempongin diri sih tapi penggantian dekor vendorku dibutuhkan. Let me explain it from the beginning. Bakalan agak panjang nih. Begini nih kira-kira timelinenya:

Januari 2015

Kita deal dengan pihak hotel beserta beberapa vendor rekanannya untuk memudahkan saja. Kemudian kita dibuatkan schedule untuk bertemu beberapa vendor dari dekor, entertainment dan WO. Nah, pada waktu itu Vendor dekor 1 (selanjutnya disebut VD1) yang datang memberikan presentasi yang menarik, karena Mr. A dan ak tipenya males ribet2 jadi kita langsung okay dengan VD1 itu. Beberapa minggu kemudian VD1 mengirimakan layout dekor untuk hari H kita dan hasilnya bagus! Ak sih suka sekali karena warnanya sangat menarik. Tapi yang menjadi kekhawatiran ak wkt tu adalah perbedaan warna yg direquest dengan hasil designnya, takut ga nyambung gt. 

Maret 2015

Bulan ini kita mendatangi wedding expo yang diadakan oleh pihak hotel dan sekalian kita mau mengkonfirmasi vendor entetatinment dan WO juga berbicara dengan pihak VD1 ini. Setelah deal dengan entertainment and WO, kita melakukan meeting pertama dengan WO. Saat WO ku tahu perihal vendor dekor yang kita pilih, dia sudah kasih first warning mengenani taste owner dr VD1 ini. Owner VD1 adalah orang konstruksi bukan design, biasanya dia failed merealisasikan hasil gambarnya tapi diakui untuk konstruksi yang terbuat dr styrofoamnya dia bagus. Pada waktu itu Mr. A dan ak sih sedikit "errrr". Jadinya stlh itu aku made appointment ke VD 1 n minta ketemu buat bahas detail-detail, make sure dll. 

April-Agustus 2015

Dalam periode ini, kita uda ketemu 2 kali dengan pihak VD1 untuk benar-benar memastikan soal hasil dekor dia. Bahkan ak blak-blakan bilang soal gosip-gosip yang ak dengar. Pada saat itu, VD1 terus berusaha meyakinkan bahkan kita minta apa dikasih, contoh ak pengen beda hand bouquet siang dan malam pun dikasih free komplen dari dia. Bahkan VD1 langsung minta ak kontek Mbak Atrina untuk bahas soal bunga. Dalam periode inipun Mr. A uda transfer DP sebesar 10jt ke pihak VD1. Dan Mr. A dan ak juga sempet melihat hasil dekorasinya untuk pengantin lain pada bulan Juli itu waktu kita sedang menyempatkan urus detail dengan hotel dan WO.  Kita pun dapat info dari WO bahwa bbrp klien dy yang pakai jasa VD1 banyak yang mendadak pindah. Alasannya simple, karena ga meyakinkan. Kliennya itu bingung kenapa tidak ada penambahan biaya sama sekali. FYI, budget dekor dr hotel itu 45jt dan pihak VD1 tidak memberikan penambahan sedikitpun untuk setiap requestku, termsk penambahan bunga, fruit fountain, fresh flower, flower crown dan juga warna kain untuk tiffany blue (which is dia ga punya pada wkt itu). 

Tapi....kita msh positif nih walau sudah melihat hasilnya dan memang kurang puas. Kita mikirnya ini emang beda dari paketnya kita. Bahkan rencana kita waktu itu habis lebaran akhir bulan akan melunasi pembayaran dekornya.

September 2015

The drama begin...>.<  My fmil mendapat ajakan kepesta wedding temannya punya saudara di Hotel Menara Peninsula di minggu dan kebetulan vendor dekor yang dipilih pengantinnya adalah VD1 dan WO nya juga sama. Sepulang dari sana, my fmil a lil freak out about the decor yang menurutnya parah! Terlalu looks cheap (tapi again saat itu juga emang dekornya beda paket nya dr harga kita). Tapi my fmil merasa too risky to trust. Bahkan WO ku juga menyampaikan keluhannya my fmil ke ak via WA. So, dengan cepat ak merespon dan berdiskusi dengan Mr. A soal hal ini. Mr. A minta ak menghubungi pihak hotel dan berdiskusi untuk pembatalan. Akhirnya setelah sungkan sana sini, ga enak juga ma VD1 tapi kita harus membatalkan daripada kecewa hari H. Kitapun masih harus membayar charge untuk cancelation fee. Ak lupa berapa persen tapi waktu itu Mr. A masih harus mentransfer sebesar 1 jt sekian. 

Nah, dengan kondisi h-2 months n no vendor dekor, ak lumayan kelabakan. WO ku menyarakan vendor kedua (selanjutnya disebut VD2). VD2 jg ada kusebut di post sebelumnya. 

Dalam waktu 1 minggu dari pembatalan, kita meeting pertama dengan pihak VD2. Kesannya: serem ownernya! Mgkn krn dy uda berumur aka om2. Kesannya tuh orangnya sulit diapporach dan yang ada kita sungkan mo ngomong ma dy. Kita mau request sesuatu tapi yang ada mental or dy menyarankan yang lain. Tapi WO ku meyakinkan kalau taste dan hasil dekor orang ini bagus. Memang kalau lihat foto IG nya sih bagus dan VD2 ini juga merupakan favorit dari pihak hotel karena hasilnya yang bagus. Kemudian yang lucu adalah ownernya hanya memberikan sketsa gambar tangan. bener-bener hanya coretan. Dy mendesign dan menuliskan semua request kita. Waktu itu dengan extra HB malam, dekor pelaminan dengan two maple trees, fruit fountain (hanya org yang mendekor buah saja), karpet rumput kita mendapat penambahan biaya sekitar 20 jt. Doeng.. I shocked. Tu pohon mahal ajeeee. Trz my fmil stlh trauma dengan hasil yang VD1, dy mau melihat hasil dekor VD2 di hotel dulu sebelum confirm. Tapi memang hasil dekor memuaskan banget! Tapi, my fmil merasa karpet rumput dan maple tree nya sudah tidak diperlukan dengan gaya dekor VD2 ini, karena VD2 menggunakan fresh flower disetiap sudutnya. Nah, ak akhirnya menghubungi owner VD2 (always deg2an dah mo contact si om) untuk confirm. Tapi ternyata dy WA ak dan bilang harus ke Aussie buat bantu dekor ponakannya so he couldn't help us here. *haiyaaaaa*

Dengan insiden Mr. A dan juga kesulitan dia keluar rumah, kali ini ak pasrahin ke pihak hotel n WO dah buat ksh saran vendor baru. uda give up buat cari-cari lagi. WO sebenarnya mo menyarankan vendor dr luar tapi ternyataaaa vendor yang Wo ku mau nyaranin, masuk dalam rekanan hotel dan kebetulaaaan di recommend sama pihak hotel. Nama vendor ketiga kali ini adalah Fleur De Lis dekor. Namanya bagus yak. Kebetulan ownernya ex client WO ku dan di suggest jg sama WO ku ke pihak hotel. So, kita adalah klien pertama dy dari pihak hotel ini ^^.

Kamis minggu lalu, kita ketemu di rumah Mr. A. Ownernya masih muda, ga beda lah dari WO jadi enak kita ngobrolnya. Setelah discuss detail this and that penambahannya sama dengan yang diberikan oleh VD2 tapiiiiii yang kita dapat much MORE dari VD2. Kira-kira yang kita dapat:

• Temanya elegant garden (lime green and tiffany blue)
• Warna bunganya pastel
• Dekor VIP dengan kursi putih touch tiffany blue, dekor meja bulat
• Dekor pelaminan dengan backdrop ukiran, daun2 asli, bunga menjulur
• Dekor teapai room dirumah dan hotel
• HB malam, pagi
• Center stage (pengganti photobooth)/ floor dance dgn 2 pohon dan lantai yang diberi print inisial
• Mini garden
• White rose petal carpet
• Dekorasi gallery, foyer, dll. 

Soooo, ak puas sekali dan memang hasilnya bagus. Ini contoh dekor yang ak suka. Tema rustic untuk klien dia seblmnya. 

ak suka dgn touch succulentnya! IG: fleurdelisdekor

Ada juga yang ak nambahin sendiri untuk hashtag board yang akan ditaro di dekat foto galeri. Suka banget dengan hasilnya. ^^

IG: themagichappens_id

Adapun ak cari box set untuk alkitab, rosario, salib yang biasa diberikan saat pemberkaan. Ak mencari box yang kupikir masih bisa dipakai nantinya. Ini masih dalam proses pemesanan. Ak mesen warna offwhite dan masih 12 hari lagi baru jadi. 

Ini contoh box untuk holy matrimony. IG :fold.packaging

Setelah sebagian besar urusan dekor beres, sekarang sisa fokus keperihal prosesi masuk. Masih galau dengan sewa dancer or ga. Tapi....glad I have reduced a lot from my lists! 

Happiness depends upon ourselves.

Aristotle

Right time or not? *imo*

I have been thinking about writing about this topic for days. There was one sequence of life that happened to one of my bff recently. I don't need to elaborate the incident here for privacy sake but that incident make me realize how lucky I am to prepare my wedding at this moment and wrting this also as a reflection and reminder to myself.

For any bride to be or even a woman (or girl) who dream or hope for be a bride soon, please note and ask this down in your mind:

Why I have to get married NOW?

In my opinion, this is the most important question of all. Questioned yourself and reflect it deep in your heart and mind. Don't let the opinion of people around you affect your choice. Don't get married just because everyone says you have to because you are getting old. Don't get married just because your friends have got married at this age or because you want to be a bride now. Don't let everyone dictate you even your boyfriend or future husband (or even your husband later on) by saying that if it's not now then never. If he/ she really loves you, he/ she will wait until you are ready to walk down the aisle with him/ her. Get married because you are ready mentally! Yes, mentally! 

I have to admit that 2 years ago, I was really hoping to get married with Mr. A because I (think) was ready to be a wife and I was so sure that I can be a good in law also. I was kinda forcing Mr. A to say it out to his parents. I was not happy when he was hesitate and we got into a fight every time we talked about marriage thing. Then, one day I took time to think deep and picturing marriage life and surprisingly, I got cold feet! I realized that it will not easy. I wasn't ready mentally (and financially). I was thinking that to be a bride means I have to be someone's else wife, half life, helper, supporter and it will give me a whole new family, another mom and dad and sister. The most of all is a responsible of those positions. It will not sound as beautiful as the word "bride". So, I stopped nagging and enjoyed another 2 years again until the day he asked me. Because he is ready and steady, then I am also ready to walk hand in hand forever.

Is financially ready important?
In my opinion, YES! Unless you are not using your own money aka. parents support. But at least you have to prepare certain amount of money and find the type of marriage that suit your budget. Be reasonable. Marriage is not about the party...and yes, a bride to be usually has her own type or ideal wedding, but if you wanna wait until certain amount you need to have that kind of wedding, then you will never ready. Always remember that marriage is actually AFTER the ceremony and reception. Prepare for your future. The house, home and especially for children. It's more important especially if you and your future husband/wife will still have to work to support your financial.

I saw my friend that were not well prepared after married and then struggled since she got pregnant until now. It has been predicted, but she just didn't want to listen. Before you decide to have a child, make sure you have some savings and home to go first. Because once you get pregnant and the baby is here, your earnings will be around the baby and household the most. Most of my friends are having problems in their marriage because of financial issues.

Is it normal to fight or argue? 
It's a normal thing in preparing marriage but it's not okay when you keep arguing for small things. But it's wrong also to let it be everytime you feel burden or not okay with one thing. How to solve it?

• Build a VERY GOOD communication. Find the way you could deliver your thoughts so that he/ she would listen and the most important thing is best timing. 
• Use and "you" phrase instead of "I" phrase to deliver things. The "you" phrase shows more emphathy towards your partner feeling while the "I" phrase shows more self-centered tone
• Last, remember why you choose him or her at the first place. Remember of the positive side if him/ her that made you fall for him/ her. 

When I and Mr. A had our wedding preparation from church, one of the topic was about build communication with each other. I have ever mentioned to share the questions we had. We were asked to write down the reasons we want to get married with each other. The speaker asked us to keep it near and open it whenever we argued or have (will have) a big fight. It's a nice reminder for us. I hope the list could help other bride or groom to be. Here they are:

I wrote the questions as well then answer it.

Mr. A's answer

I can say that I'm lucky to have time to think and enjoy our date for almost 8 years before we decided to move to the next stage in our relationship. I can learn from everyone around me. Each of my friend has their special story and I learn a lot from their life. I am.....grateful. 

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.

Andre Maurois

What could possible happens H-2 months?

A lot!!

Friday, September 4, 2015

Mr. A called me in the evening to ask about the weekend schedule. He wanted me to come with him to his friend' wedding in Alila Hotel on Saturday. He told me that he'll pick me up in the morning and ask me to bring my stuffs to his home. We will go to the hotel from his home. It's nearer from his home also. We also decide to check name list again. 

Saturday, September 5, 2015

I woke up around 9 a.m. and did my usual stuffs (doing sosmed and chats here and there). Then, I got a call from Indri (WO) about some arrangement she had made with my fmil about stall vendor from outside Hotel package. Then, I called Mr. A to inform him about my conversation with Indri. I asked Mr. A also when he will pick me up. He said soon after that. So, I took a shower, chose the dress and shoes, prepared my make up stuffs and hair curler. Then, I was ready. At around 11.00 he arrived. He used motorcycle and he told me to find any massage therapist who is good about bone. He said he just got an accident. 

My reaction was cool actually. I checked his wounds. He showed me his dislocated bone on his right shoulder. I cleaned his wounds and my mom gave him a sugar hot water. He was quiet pale actually. I knew he was in shocked. So, I have to be calm. My mom asked me to bring him to do some X-ray first before we go to the massage theraphyst. And we did so. After I fed him lunch, we set to go. We still use motorcyle (his). I drove it slowly to the nearest hospital. We went to Grha Kedoya hospital and been sent to Emergency Room because the security saw his wounds. Dr. Ken was the one who checked Mr. A and refer to the radiology room. The result is fracture bone and dislocated. The worst case was have to undergo a surgery to fix the dislocated bone. Mr. A was about to meet the bone specialist doctor but there was no one available at that time. So, we went home to his house and there his mom brought him to the best massage theraphyst she knows. She didn't allow him to do the surgery. 

Mr. A' cousin brought him to the massage therapyst and I waited at his house. He came back after around 2 hours and then not so long after that I went home. To make that day complete, I got high fever after that. I was ill so much that I couldn't sleep well that night. 

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Thanks to my mom that she helped me the night before, I was better on Sunday. But I still had a terrible headache. I just fully rest here and so Mr. A. I called him and he told me that he might rest one month from office. In a month or two the soft bone will just grow. It will need 1 year to be a strong bone. *sigh*

My fmil went to the hotel this day to check out our "decor-to-be" vendor' work. She was a bit traumatized with the first one and with the high additional cost, she need to make sure the work.

Monday, September 7, 2015

I got back to work but felt different. I couldn't barely concentrate a lot. It was like reality started to crawl in my mind. It means most of things we need to finish in these 2 months will be done by myself. He will not be always there in person. *sigh*. 

I emailed to confirm the decoration vendor and I didn't get the reply back. I got a hunch of worry but I tried to think positive. At night, Mr. A and I talked on the phone and his cheerful voice still stronger me.

Tuesday, September, 2015

Everything was seemed normal until I got the WA from the owner of the decor vendor. He said he couldn't help our wedding because he will go to Australia to help his family wedding decoration. SO...... it means, we have none. Back to zero again. >.< 

What I did right away, sent the WA to Mr. A, informed Indri and the manager in the hotel. I lost my concentration for a moment. Luckily, the hotel manager, Bu Lina, was so helpful so do Indri. So, I am having other options now with meeting schedule. The only main problem is that Mr. A can't leave his house in the next two weeks. So, whenever we need to have the meeting about wedding, I have to set it to go to his house. 

Mentally exhausted at the moment. 

Cr: http://www.commentskart.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Wedding-Quotes-29.jpg

Throwback from boyfriend to future husband -- was, now and then

September is arrived already! 2 months, 1 week to go. I find out that Mr. A might feel it too. The excitement and et cetera about our wedding. I can tell this because recently he has been very patience to accompany me to go here and there, help reminding me with things that I have forgotten. And yesterday, though he had a long busy day at work, he still managed to list down the wedding songs and thinking about the vows that I asked him to write to be put in our customized ring bearer. Despite we always have a different taste of songs genre, I like the choice of songs he did ^^

some of the list he made last night

I found that it's very sweet of him -- hope he will not read this. hehehe. This year will be our 8 years of dating by this October. I have ever shared about our love journey in here . We have been seperated by distance for our first 4 years of dating but we managed until this time. And for the past 8 years I can see him as a grown adult. We met at our not so early 20s and each of us was a different person back there. I know he makes me better person. As for him, I know he is not that "young adult" anymore. I hope we can learn to communicate more each day and learn from each other to be a better partner, best friend, soulmate and one day we can be good parents also for our children.

This November, we will start another journey of love once again. Let us fall in love with each other once again.

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.

Mother Teresa

P.S. May our good karma bless us