Monday, September 21, 2015

Right time or not? *imo*

I have been thinking about writing about this topic for days. There was one sequence of life that happened to one of my bff recently. I don't need to elaborate the incident here for privacy sake but that incident make me realize how lucky I am to prepare my wedding at this moment and wrting this also as a reflection and reminder to myself.

For any bride to be or even a woman (or girl) who dream or hope for be a bride soon, please note and ask this down in your mind:

Why I have to get married NOW?

In my opinion, this is the most important question of all. Questioned yourself and reflect it deep in your heart and mind. Don't let the opinion of people around you affect your choice. Don't get married just because everyone says you have to because you are getting old. Don't get married just because your friends have got married at this age or because you want to be a bride now. Don't let everyone dictate you even your boyfriend or future husband (or even your husband later on) by saying that if it's not now then never. If he/ she really loves you, he/ she will wait until you are ready to walk down the aisle with him/ her. Get married because you are ready mentally! Yes, mentally! 

I have to admit that 2 years ago, I was really hoping to get married with Mr. A because I (think) was ready to be a wife and I was so sure that I can be a good in law also. I was kinda forcing Mr. A to say it out to his parents. I was not happy when he was hesitate and we got into a fight every time we talked about marriage thing. Then, one day I took time to think deep and picturing marriage life and surprisingly, I got cold feet! I realized that it will not easy. I wasn't ready mentally (and financially). I was thinking that to be a bride means I have to be someone's else wife, half life, helper, supporter and it will give me a whole new family, another mom and dad and sister. The most of all is a responsible of those positions. It will not sound as beautiful as the word "bride". So, I stopped nagging and enjoyed another 2 years again until the day he asked me. Because he is ready and steady, then I am also ready to walk hand in hand forever.

Is financially ready important?
In my opinion, YES! Unless you are not using your own money aka. parents support. But at least you have to prepare certain amount of money and find the type of marriage that suit your budget. Be reasonable. Marriage is not about the party...and yes, a bride to be usually has her own type or ideal wedding, but if you wanna wait until certain amount you need to have that kind of wedding, then you will never ready. Always remember that marriage is actually AFTER the ceremony and reception. Prepare for your future. The house, home and especially for children. It's more important especially if you and your future husband/wife will still have to work to support your financial.

I saw my friend that were not well prepared after married and then struggled since she got pregnant until now. It has been predicted, but she just didn't want to listen. Before you decide to have a child, make sure you have some savings and home to go first. Because once you get pregnant and the baby is here, your earnings will be around the baby and household the most. Most of my friends are having problems in their marriage because of financial issues.

Is it normal to fight or argue? 
It's a normal thing in preparing marriage but it's not okay when you keep arguing for small things. But it's wrong also to let it be everytime you feel burden or not okay with one thing. How to solve it?

  • Build a VERY GOOD communication. Find the way you could deliver your thoughts so that he/ she would listen and the most important thing is best timing
  • Use and "you" phrase instead of "I" phrase to deliver things. The "you" phrase shows more emphathy towards your partner feeling while the "I" phrase shows more self-centered tone
  • Last, remember why you choose him or her at the first place. Remember of the positive side if him/ her that made you fall for him/ her. 

When I and Mr. A had our wedding preparation from church, one of the topic was about build communication with each other. I have ever mentioned to share the questions we had. We were asked to write down the reasons we want to get married with each other. The speaker asked us to keep it near and open it whenever we argued or have (will have) a big fight. It's a nice reminder for us. I hope the list could help other bride or groom to be. Here they are:
I wrote the questions as well then answer it.

Mr. A's answer
I can say that I'm lucky to have time to think and enjoy our date for almost 8 years before we decided to move to the next stage in our relationship. I can learn from everyone around me. Each of my friend has their special story and I learn a lot from their life. I am.....grateful. 


  1. "...dalam hal menghitung" haha, ini gw banget jugak! :)))
    nice thoughts for sharing Shal, financially well prepared is fundamental, we can not live our life by only love.

    1. Hahahaha.. leave the counting to our man. *grin*
      Wah...ur words exactly like Mr. A said tuh.

  2. Yep2 stuju banget ama postingan mu shal :) lagi2 komunikasi ini bener2 penting yaa ^^ dan financial juga. Well, ak lebih setuju pacaran lama drpd pacaran bntr lgsg married, apalg klo udah ada desakan2 dr lingkungan. Yepp dari diri sendiri dan pasangan yg menentukan kapan waktunya :)

  3. Halo Shal, kunjungan baliikk :D Kamu KPP di gereja kristoforus bukan? Soalnya pertanyaannya kayaknya sama hihihihi

    1. Hi Lip, thanks for visiting. ^^ ho oh di Kristo. wkwkwk..Mang tiap KPP sama?

    2. Kayaknya sih gitu Shal, soalnya temen aku yang KPP di Kristo juga dapet pembicara yang kurang lebih sama dan dengan materi yang sama. Baru beda kalo dibandingkan dengan KPP di dekenat lain. Aku begitu ngeliat jawaban kalian langsung inget kalo aku dan koko juga dapet pertanyaan yang sama hahaha

  4. Indeed...I am agree...apalagi dimusim kondangan skrg ini...there's a lot of cewe2 out there yg kasi kode keras ke pasangan nya buat minta di nikahin juga...marriage is not only abt wedding and all kind of celebration tp juga kehidupan setelahnya...Glad you thought like that as well!